Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Tuesday December 7th 2010 - Bipolar type II ?

Someone asked me if I was bipolar I or bipolar II. There are a bijillion different types of bipolar. It's not as simple as type I or II diabetes. I guess the difference is whether you get depressed more than you get manic. In that case it is simple. I am manic-manic. 

I get angry. I get frustrated. I have down time, but, for the most part, I am this: Manic. I enjoy manic like some people enjoy breathing. I like thinking big and multitasking. I like over achieving. However, I am probably difficult to live with. 

No. I am difficult to live with. I run at full speed for 16 hours a day and move smoothly from one project to the next. The busier I am the better. When I am not busy I start to get upset or over thinking things. I am over-barring in the sense that expect others to work as hard as I do. I am not over barring in terms of controlling who they hang out with or date or how they dress. 

I just want them to commit to something, anything, and give it 100%. Yuck. I am over barring. I'm like a bear. Don't poke the bear. I can be a grizzly bear or a cuddly bear. To most people I am a teddy bear. My boys might have a different interpretation. 

As you might be able to tell, I had an altercation with my son regarding make-up homework. After a difficult evening, we have come to a truce. We have a new policy regarding D's and he pledges to not fall behind. If he falls behind, I confiscate his phone, iPod, and computer. Sounds strict, but there is a history of untruthfulness that has degenerated the situation. I wish I could be the buddy; the friend, the cool dad, but I am the father... damn it.

I went to the hypno-therapist today and I didn't think she would be able to get me under. It took awhile, but near the end I had successfully gone way too far under. I tend to concentrate on the goal of relaxing so hard that once I achieve it I go too far. Funny huh. I think we may have worked on enough of my issues that the next time we can talk about losing weight.

In the mean time, I am listening to and reading the Gabriel Method. He really does make a lot of sense and I know understand why I have failed at holding off weight. My big lesson today was about "Lacking." For example, if you deny chocolate and your body know that you are denying something on purpose it thinks that you are about to deny more (ie: famine) and it kicks into defensive mode. The idea is to feed your body what it needs within reason and eat as healthy as possible while offering your body the things that it needs like probiotics for digestion and Omega 3's. Do not diet. Make you body believe that it is safe and okay to lose weight. Be in touch with your bodies needs and eat properly. I'm being repetitive. I'm tired. I need to read for an hour and then sleep. The therapist is giving me a hard time because I only want to sleep for six hours. You lose more fat when you sleep. That's a fact. Since I have a lot of fat to give, I should be sleeping about 14 hours a day. Ha! Just kidding. 7 hours is fine. So I am learning something new everyday and I already lost two inches and I haven't even started trying. Oh yeah. You have to eat at least six times a day and never ever let yourself get low blood sugar. Your body thinks it needs to conserve. Put down the keypad and walk awayyyy

No comments:

Post a Comment