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Sunday, June 27, 2010

Sunday June 27th, 2010 - Psych Ward

I started the day out at the gym and after a muscle burning workout I shot hoops for another 20 minutes just to get my heart rate up one more time. While I was playing I was thinking about how to tie the first part of my book into part three better. I needed some relevant situations that foretold a bit of the future of the book.

"Nic" was doing fine, but I needed to have him lose it at least once before his trip to Italy in part two. The following is the incident that led to his 72 hour psych ward internment (a few words had to be censored, but you'll get it)...


That particular morning I was late to class [Nic] and I had to sit towards the back corner. I preferred to be up front. Stephanie was the only black girl in our class. She was quiet and wore thick glasses, but she was hot anyway. I sat next to her in choir so I knew she was smart. Her dad was a biology professor at the University of Colorado and her mom was a lawyer with social services. I liked her. I was trying to work up the nerve to ask her to go skating with me.
Sitting back in the corner behind me were two knuckle dragging Neanderthals. They were whispering back and forth to one another talking shit about kids in the class. They didn’t have a clue nor did they care about imperialism. I loathed them. They caught my attention when I heard them say Stephanie. I’m not sure who was who back there, but one of them said, “I would love to !@$% the $#@# out of that $*&%$.”
As if on autopilot I jumped out of my seat and dove back at the nearest caveman. My fist connected with his jaw and we both went tumbling along with his desk. He tried to fight back, but I had the drop on him. I was really laying into him with both fists flying. Right as I sat up and took aim at his face, Mr. Woodacre grabbed me by the collar and yanked me away from the asshole. I wasn’t done, but Mr. Woodacre was. My month was bleeding, but the knuckle dragger’s eye was already swelling shut and his nose was oddly bent sideways. Mr. Woodacre went to help him and the teacher from next door pulled me out into the hall. The principal and two other office people were running down the hall towards me. One held onto my arm as if I were under arrest. 
By the time I was escorted to the office, the police were already pulling up with lights flashing. As the police started two stepping up to the front doors, the school nurse came to check on me and for the first time someone asked, “What happened?” I started to explain that those two jerks called Stephanie a $%#&, but I was cut off by the principal and handed over to the police. They handcuffed me and took me to the police station. I all happened so fast I didn’t really realized the extent of my outburst until I was sitting on a hard bed in this little cell bright with light and sealed securely with a solid door with a small shatter proof window. 

Thursday, June 24, 2010

Thursday June 24th, 2010 - Vegetarian option

I've thought about it and decided that I will continue to abstain from mammals, but allow limited dairy, primarily cheese, and wild catch seafood starting on July 5. The vegan diet is possible. I did it for a year, but vegetarian will be easier. I think that this particular diet will someday become mainstream because healthy land animals and fresh water fish will be in short supply because of the damaged hydro-system.

I watched a documentary last night called "Gas Land." It clearly demonstrated that Natural Gas Drilling was causing ground water contamination on a apocalyptic level. The 2005 Energy Policy Act, strongly endorsed by Dick Chaney and George Bush, exempted hydraulic fracturing from regulation under the Safe Water Drinking Act. The Safe Water Act tried to regulate pollution with the goal of making all of our rivers and lakes as healthy as possible. The 2005 act mobilized the largest public land grab in our history and increased natural gas drilling more than 10 fold and growing. In order to extract the gas from the, I believe it's limestone, rock, they have to use over 550 chemicals, many of them proven carcinogenic like benzene's and arsenic, to lube the drilling, maintain the integrity of the well, and literally fracture the rock horizontally to release the gas. The problem is that only 50% of the "produced" water is returned to the surface. The rest bleeds into ground water contaminating water wells, streams, rivers, the air, fish, cattle, wildlife, and humans. If this particular method is continued, the nation's water supply and fishing will be irrevocably damaged. This contamination will spread from the rural drilling sites to our metropolitan water within my lifetime. Fresh water and fresh water fish will be too contaminated to consume. At that point, seafood will be the only alternative, but that is, of course, if they can get a grip on the offshore drilling dilemma. By the way, Norway has laws and regulations that allow profitable deep drilling without nearly the risk we face from all of the thousands of offshore wells we already have. I believe their are also safer ways to extract natural gas, but we need to be motivated to use them before they change our lives for good.

And now I have to admit to owning and leasing three oil wells in Washington County Colorado. I'm not sure what methods my particular drilling company uses, but I will find out and take appropriate activist measures. Of course, my dilemma will be oil royalties that could potentially pay for all of my families higher education and pay off our student loans. Yet to be determined.

As promised, here is a sample of my book "Positano": 
As I balanced the warmth of the shower, I reached for my toothbrush and then slipped in. I began to relax as the warmth of the water rinsed the clammy sweat down the drain. Gathering my wits, I began franticly lathering up the soap in a vain attempt to steal time. I was still struggling to catch my breath. The nightmare remained as vivid as it once was. I need to think of something pleasant like… April. Yes, April. April lived in the house directly behind our house. She was two years older than me. She delighted in teasing me. I think she thinks I’m harmless. The truth is I was. She’s probably in the shower right now.
Yesterday, she caught me staring at her while she was sunbathing. Instead of getting mad, she grinned and waved to me, “Hello Nic!”
Okay, be cool. “Hi April.”
She started to get up when she realized her top was untied. She was a bit too late. Oh my God! I’ve been fantasizing about this moment for years! There they were; two huge creamy tits swaying back and forth in the hot autumn sun. As I stood there, titty shocked, she pulled her top back into place and simply said, “Opps.”
As she stood up she tilted her head back into the blazing sun and ran her fingers through her long blond hair in a vain attempt to pull it back into place. She slowly turned away from me and purposefully bent down at the waist to pick up her glass of ice water. God is good.
She knowingly smiled walked over to me saying, “It’s a pretty hot day.”
Her lips moved, but I heard nothing. I could smell her glossy coconut butter. I finally muttered, “You’re getting sunburned.”
She giggled. “What are you up to today?” I thought that was already clear.
“Not much. I was just taking a break from my homework.” What homework? I just spent the last 20 minutes spying on her through my bedroom window trying get up the nerve to walk outside.
“Taking a break, huh? You want to join me?” Tease.
If I had any balls I’d take one step and jump over that damn fence and tackle that shit. Instead, I sheepishly stood there and said, “I better get back to my homework.” I hate myself.
She softly laid her hand over mine and looked straight into my eyes and said, “maybe next time.”
She glanced down and quickly looked back into my eyes with a devilish grin and said, “Are you sure?”
I followed her eyes down just to see that my dick was standing out there on its own as hard as diamonds. She was the one melting in the sun and, yet, my face was redder than hers.
I just turned and went back into the house. Well, actually to the bathroom. I locked the door and grabbed the lotion.
That was yesterday, and now, in my warm shower, I couldn’t stop thinking about her ginormous breasts. My hands wondered as I envisioned the water flowing over her bronzed body. In my mind I could see her slowly lathering the soap on her belly and patiently working her way down. I imagined her tightly closing her eyes and biting her lip as she collapsed against the cool tile. On queue, my body rocked and I found blissful relief. 
   

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

June 22, 2010 - Second longest day of the year

Yesterday was actually the Summer Solstice, but I watched my clock and there was still only 24 hours. I'm kidding. Of course it means the longest stretch of day light for the year. From here on out, the sun will be out a few less minutes a day until the winter Solstice. I would have enjoyed being out in the sun yesterday, but I'm still on antibiotics and they tend to make me light sensitive. Sunburn sensitive. Anyway, I spent the day glued to my computer writing my book and loving it. I think it's really clicked into place. It knows its own identity and mission. Today I've included a short excerpt. I will try to post an excerpt each day.

Last night I decided that I am going to go "vegetarian" and not back to vegan on July 5th (my vegan birthday) because it should be more sustainable. I usually get cravings for cheese. I love cheese, crackers, and a nice mellow merlot. The biggest set back to veganism is clearly protein. I can't keep up with the amount of soy shakes that it takes to even get close to my recommended day dosages, so I've also decided that seafood will be included in my diet. No red meat, poultry, or pork products and by-products. I'll be very selective and conservative on any dairy in my diet. I like soy milk and I will keep that in my diet. I really hate cow's milk, I just love the cheese. I've been eating vegetarian pizza's without the cheese. I want the cheese. I guess that's clear enough. I didn't change my diet temporarily; I made a change for life (with amnesty for two weeks every June).

When I began my vegan journey, I felt cleaner. You can feel your energy pick up and you just feel clean. You need to try it to understand. Actually, you should try it. Even if it's only for a month. I think meat weighs you down. Maybe it clogs up the works. During my two week amnesty program I'm only eating organic meat. Nothing with bovine hormones or antibiotics. Free range if I can find it. Sunflower Market is a real good source for organic meats, however, King Soopers also keeps a small stock pile on hand.

So, I've gained weight since October. I was 310-313. Now I'm a 333. Just bullshit weight from not paying attention to my calories, late night peanut butter sandwiches, too big of servings, getting sick, because it's Tuesday, or whatever excuse I can think of all of which are completely my fault. Most of it was from the last two months. Vegan diets are still full of calories and that's the name of the game; calories. I own this new weight and now I have to lose it plus 15 more pounds so I'm back in the 200's by the end of the summer.

I haven't lost the dream of being an ideal weight, I've just made it a little more realistic. A large part of my frustration with my diet was that I wasn't losing 20 pounds per month. Actually, I think 5 pounds a month will be fine after I lose this first 28 pounds. I need to mentally get a grip on it so I don't get discouraged next fall. I know I can lose the 28 pounds this summer because I'm competitive and I have to answer to this blog.

It should also be noted that my overall health over the last year is like night and day. I was sluggish, fat, and easily winded. Now, I'm still on the biggish side, but I'm strong, healthy, and full of energy. I attribute that to losing weight and regular exercise. Not only do I still hit the gym three times a week, but I also ride my bike and find anything during the day that will kick up the heart rate for 30 minutes or more. Sometimes it is as simple as mowing the lawn.

As promised, here is an excerpt from the first chapter of my book "Positano." 

He was leading me away from the school. I was already late for class and I tried to turn back, but his protests were so fierce and angry that it paralyzed me with fear. I had to follow him. We ran into a cement building that was devoid of any color or d├ęcor. He was full of excited agitation. I followed him as he ran through one bland hall to another. We made so many turns I was completely disoriented. The hall began to blur and then we came to an abrupt halt. He pushed me against a wall just before another turn and motioned to me to shut up. I was trembling. I heard distant voices. He turned to me with an odd evil grin and ran down the hall. He had a gun. Farther down around a corner shots rang out in rapid succession and then came the screaming. I stole a quick peek around the corner and saw a lady and her child running across a junction in far distance. In a flash, the girl dropped and the mother cried out in horror.  I cautiously slinked down the hallway towards the gun fire. All I could see was bloody bodies beyond their last breath.
I looked down at my hand and it held a gun. The gun was hot in my hand. Warm blood dripped off of my hands. It wasn’t my blood. I heard someone coming and the gun rose as if it had an independent mind. I had no control. I saw a shadow and with great trepidation my hand began to fire. The shadow fell, but it still sat up and took aim. I was confused. Why is it shooting at me? I watched in horror as my gun began issuing a steady stream of shots. It fell dead. 
I could hear more voices coming my way. I ran in panic, but I was hardly moving. It felt as if I were running on a marshmallow floor. I no longer needed the gun. The rounds were coming directly from my bloody hand. My hand impatiently began to spray everything behind me. 
Up ahead of me was the white blindness. I ran to the light. Engulfed in a vacuum of bright fog I realized I was falling. I tried to find a hold, but my arms were left flailing in the wind. I realized I was going to die and a calm sense of hopelessness pervaded my entire being. 

Friday, June 18, 2010

June 18th, 2010 - 1:30AM - still sick

My son gave me back the cold I thought I had already left behind, but this time it seems to be upper respiratory. My lungs feel as if they are filling. I might need to go in to see the doctor later this morning. Too many people die of complications from pneumonia.

I've decided to give myself vegan amnesty for the rest of the month. I'm going to eat meat. On July 4th (my vegan anniversary), I will decide if I want to return to vegan-ism or become a vegetarian. It would be nice to have some cheese once in a while. I didn't drink cow's milk before and I won't start now. And I won't eat eggs. Chicken embryos freak me out more than anything else. I don't know. I have a few weeks to decide. I started eating meat this week and I'm already bored with it. I had a good steak, a cheese burger, and some awesome swordfish. I'm sure I won't have any problem giving up the meat again. Maybe this time for good. I wonder if my cold is because of... maybe. Turning away meat will be another experiment in feeling fresh. A second coming of sorts. I can tell I'm running a fever and I can't get to sleep because of my runny nose. I sleep with a CPAP so clear nasal passages are a must. My throat is sore.

My weight hasn't changed. I need to lose a lot to get back on track, but I just don't care about calories as much when I'm sick. I just want a full belly and a good night's sleep.

I know I've been bad about writing, but now we have something to talk about. From vegan to carnivore and back to meat free. It might be an interesting ride. Today I ate mussels. I thought I really missed them, but I think they must be an acquired taste that I have lost. Signing out for now.   

Sunday, June 6, 2010

Sunday June 6th, 2010 - Boring

Yesterday I capped off a wonderful day of writing with a quick (2 hour) hiking trip at O'Fallon State Park near Evergreen, Colorado and less than 20 miles west of our home. I was surprised when I became winded, but it was a fairly direct route up the mountain to find the trail, so maybe not so bad. The important part is getting outside, collecting a few rays (not too much), and breaking a sweat. I'm on a quest to get my heart beat up at least 30 minutes a day. Even if I don't live to be 100, I still want to enjoy life as much as possible and when your health restricts your activities, you need to shape up. Of course it about losing weight, but it is also about being fit. A little more than a year ago I became serious about my health. I lost weight and gained some back, but what has drastically improved is my fitness. I really don't think "I can't do that" because of being fat or out of shape. These days I'm more likely to say "bring it on baby."

Today, my 14 year old and I will go to the gym for a workout and maybe some basketball. To be honest, I'm not to enthusiastic about the gym because it is beautiful outside. I should find something to do outside. I think I will take Bobby to the gym, do our intense max workout and then play some basketball on the outdoor court. Or maybe I'll come home from the gym and finish reading my book. Or I could come back and paint. Humm, so many good choices and when I began this post I thought I was bored. Now, I just need to grab my tennis shoes and head out. I would add to that a possible bike ride, but it really looks too hot out. Bike rides are best in the morning when the sun isn't beating you to hell. No need to get heat stroke today.

Here is a small part of a dream from my first draft of "Positano."


... The wine relaxed me and I slept hard for most of the night, but just before the sun rose I had a dream. Not a nightmare; a dream; a nice dream. It started out with the usual “running late” anxiety pattern, but then it took a delightful turn. I was in an airport running with a group of people trying to find our gate. There was a terribly unpleasant woman arguing with the gate clerk about something having to do with her seat placement. She insisted that it was safer to sit above the wings. I know what’s safer; landing. 


While the foul mouthed woman was flinging her arms in air and carrying on, I turned to see a striking girl with long black hair and piercing green eyes staring at me. She motioned for me to follow her. I complied. We were standing together in an abandoned office. Neither one of us spoke. We didn’t need to. It had no windows, but still held aged shadows along the walls where objects used to be. We started kissing... 


I have to stop there because one of my greatest gifts may be writing sexual fantasies and this dream gets too hot to quickly for this post. I can tell you it ends with a shower and a smile. Bink.

Friday, June 4, 2010

Friday June 4th, 2010 - Mowing the lawn naked

Okay, I kidding about the "naked" part. I did mow the lawn. I enjoy mowing the lawn. I'm actually one of those freaks who mow at one angle and then mows a second time against the first angle. I like it to look like a golf course. Anyway, back on the topic, I enjoy mowing the lawn because it is good physical activity. I don't use the assist mode. There are many daily activities that can be considered and counted as exercise. Do them and do them the hard way. Every little bit helps burn fat. It's all about calories. Eating them and burning them. Have I mentioned that you burn most of your calories when you sleep. Well, maybe not most, but a significant amount.

The powers to be have added a new feature to my blog. Custom Amazon ads. Cool, huh? For my first one I choose the bipolar guide. It's helpful. I would appreciate input on what ads I should run. It would be nice to make some money off of the blog, but, in the long run, it doesn't matter. I write the blog for me and then for you the reader.

I think I need to spice up the posts, so I've decided to add small samples from my book, Positano, about a young man who has biploar onset. Mind you, they are still drafts, but it might be fun. You could give me input. Let's keep it organised. You can reply to the book samples with these choices... magnificent, courageous, inspiring, God like, and, for goodness sakes, avoid "I like this character, but... " I hate buts. Not butts. I love butts. Better be more specific. Women's butts. Yeah, I like a good butt. Oh yeah, I have a dialog where Nic (14) first meets the much older Adriana (24).... From the third part of "Positano"...


The sun was settling down over the water into a bed of bright yellow and vivid orange that was drooping gracefully below streaks of brilliant blue and gray clouds. It was time to get home. As I hurried along the path, I briskly turned a corner keeping an eye on the steps ahead of me when I glanced up and spied a beautiful goddess. Her face was turned away from me, but the vision of her shapely butt poured into some worn out jeans was enough to merit my full attention. I slowed as she pulled her loose button up shirt back onto her exposed tanned shoulder. Time briefly stood still as I absorbed every nuance of her long curly vibrant red hair. 
I lost my footing and tripped over the next step. The half second of fear was replaced by bright red embarrassment. I kept my head down as she quickly came down and to help me. She was a bit older than I was hoping. She was probably in her mid twenties.
She asked “Stai bene?”
I assumed that meant “are you okay?” and as my eyes met her eyes I become deaf, dumb, and tongue tied.
I muttered “yes, I’m okay” as I stood up and brushed off my pants.
She replied in perfect English, “Good. Better be careful on all these brutal pathways.” “My name is Adriana.”

Thursday, June 3, 2010

Thursday June 3rd, 2010 - Week in Review

I guess I've been a little depressed to write about weight loss when I've done little but gain weight. I was horrified to weigh in at 332 last month and I switched workouts and tried to watch calories. I lost about 8 or 9 pounds, but I think they are back or all those salty olives have had their revenge. Either way, I've got some work to do. Realistically, I need to lower my expectations a bit. I would like to be back to 320 by July and 300 or less by September. It could have been so much easier if I hadn't gained weight back. Last summer I went from 360 to a low of 313 in the last few days of October.

And then the appetite kicked in or I simply let my guard down. Actually, both are true. I "allowed" my appetite to take control. First I had some bipolar instability and that took my full attention. I gained 6.2 pounds by the end of the year. Not so bad, but I was trying to lose weight. At the end of January I weighed 314.2. In retrospect that wasn't the end of the world and I felt emotionally stable by February. Here is where it gets bad. I was 323.4 on March 1st and I had just sprained my knee. No gym, but the gym is only a small part of weight loss. It's real good for your over all health and improves your quality of life by increasing your energy and stamina, but I still should have been able to control my weight. March sucked. I just couldn't lose weight and I was very discouraged. However, I had stabilized a bit and weighed in at 322.8 on April 1st. Still sliding in April. I seem to have lost control and was eating until I felt full and eating too much.

I know what you're thinking. How can a vegan pack on so much weight so quickly. I recently read an article that compared my food with regular food. My normal 1 1/2 cup of granola with soy milk (and toast) has more calories than two eggs and 10 slices of bacon! A cup of nuts has almost as much calories as a hamburger. Being vegan does not mean you don't have to watch calories, however, being vegan or should I say, a monitored vegan is much more healthy in the long run. By May 1st I weighed 330. Insane. Completely unacceptable, but it happened. I let loose and ate how ever I wanted. I even ate meat and cheese a few times... maybe five or six times. I thought I was going to fall off of the vegan diet. Why work so hard and do without the food you love if you're not losing weight. I'm a resolute vegan right now, but I can see a sliver of meat creeping in. I guess I can't promise that I will always be vegan. For now and the foreseeable future, I will remain vegan. I lost about 5 pounds in May and then gained 10 pounds by being a complete ass about diet. Gave in completely. I am trying to curb my appetite and that is the goal for now. Turn the tables back to losing weight.

The week in review: Last Thursday I worked out and got real sore. Good stuff. I worked out on Sunday and mowed the lawn ect. Feeling good. Went to a family BBQ on Memorial Day and played basketball with my 14 year old son, niece, nephew, and younger brother. I kept up and even surpassed their energy, however, I got so sore I couldn't workout on Tuesday. Today I took Bobby to the gym and had a monster workout. He did too. I'm going to mow the lawn tonight so I don't have to do it when it gets hot out this weekend. I've been reading, writing, and painting so everything is actually going fine. If I can regain control over my appetite I will be in good shape.