Monday, September 26, 2011

The roller coaster of emotions- My father-in-law's deterioration

It has been a difficult two weeks. On Monday the 12th of September, my father-in-law, Jerry, had a massive stroke. We drove from Colorado to Little Rock Arkansas that afternoon and arrived the next morning. It is nearly a 1,000 mile trek and I had to abuse my manic tendencies to drive the distance so my wife would be rested when we got to the hospital.

After five days he wasn't responding, but he seemed stable so we came home so Cheri could go to work on Monday. On Monday morning I called to check in with my mother-in-law and she told me he was having strokes on the other side of his body. I freaked. I thought that this was it so we drove back down to Arkansas because we didn't want her mom to be alone during this crisis. The week wore on and one moment he seemed to know that we were there and then he would not respond at all, but he remained stable so we came home last Saturday. I haven't called in to see how he's doing today. At this point our next trip will be for his funeral.

All of this driving for 14 hours straight and eating truck stop crap along with hospital food and fast food and just plain crappy food coupled with the fact that I had intentionally threw myself into hypo-mania four times plus having recently come off of a bad bipolar episode not only exhausted me, but it also changed the weight loss trend from down to stagnant to up.

Frankly, I didn't have the emotional will power to stay on my diet, plus I really don't feel the lapband yet. I need a few more adjustments so I can actually feel it and so I am truly restricted in food intake. Right now I think I could pretty much eat anything I want so losing weight is pure will power.

While I stopped losing weight, thus solidifying the truth that the lapband is a tool not a solution, I didn't gain all that much and I should be back down to pre-Jerry levels by the end of the week. At this point I will be happy to have lost 70 pounds by the time I go to NYC Thanksgiving week. Today I am at 43 pounds lost and I will be back to 50 pounds lost quickly... unless I have to run to Arkansas soon.

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