Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Worst bipolar episode in four years

I could feel it coming on and I thought that it might be the holiday blues, but it became more significant than that. My primary problem was three or four panic attacks. One was major and I seriously considered going into the mental health facility. I feel better now, but my emotions were flipping up and down so much everyday that it was wearing me down and then it made it easier to blow my cool. If you received one of my "episodic" email rants, I'm sorry. Next week I meet with my psychologist and I may have her change or increase some of my meds. Normally I would suggest a jump in seroquel, but I have those restless limb thing at night if I take too much. Actually, if someone wakes me up within the first four to five hours of my sleep, I can't get back to sleep because the restless feet and hand thing is there. Maybe another jump in lamictal and hydroxyzine. I wish I could take more lorazapam, but I think I'm at the limit. Maybe I could add something new?

During my bipolar episode, holiday cooking and baking, back injury, double knee injuries, and just plain not caring made me actually gain weight. Like 7 or 8 pounds since before Thanksgiving. I'm back in the gym now and trying to watch my calories and size of portions. I was super impressed when I walk/jogged 2 miles in 31 minutes some time ago and I have been carving that time down each week. I got it down to 30 minutes and thought that I couldn't do better until I was skinnier, but I continued to shave time and this morning I made 29 minutes flat! I jogged a quick pace on and off. I jogged the first five minutes which is my best continuous jog. I would like to jog the entire two miles at some point this spring. I'll probably have to increase my distance to three miles because I must jog for at least 30 minutes and then work on my upper body for an additional 30 minutes. I didn't go to the gym Saturday or Sunday because it's too busy, but I did go four days last week so I jogged eight miles. This week I have already jogged 4 miles so I should reach my weekly goal of 10 miles or more.

Oh yeah, I weighed in at 332 this morning on the doctor's scale which is as low as I have ever been, but I really should have lost about 12 more pounds in that time. Now I have to play catch up if I want to hit 299 - by my birthday on March 19. I've been real good for the last few days so I know I can do it and maybe since my body didn't lose a bunch of weight during this time, I might be able to kick into high gear and lose weight as rapidly as I did in the beginning. I would really like to be at 300 or less by March 1st. That's 44 days or so. That would be five pounds a week. I could do that. This morning I visited my surgeon and had another 3/4cc added to my adjustable lapband. That should also help since I should be tight enough to restrict my eating portions dramatically. Even now sitting here I have to drink slowly so the liquid can clear.


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