Sunday, July 28, 2013

Still losing weight and not satisfied.

I'm on track to hitting 330 by the end of the month. I began the month at 340. My goal for the month was ten pounds. While having hit my goal I still feel like I should be losing weight faster. I'm impatient. I want to be not fat. I don't want to be "the big guy." I certainly don't want strangers to tell me "lose weight man." That really happened a few months ago in the grocery store. He left so fast I did have time to tell him I was losing weight, but he wouldn't have "heard" me anyway. 

In August my goal is 320. Hard to believe having come from 400 plus maybe 30 pounds at the beginning of the year. I didn't even register on my scale that maxed out at 400 until February at some point. Other than fitting into cars and clothes better, I still feel impatient. It is that impatience that works against me. I will succeed at kicking 300's soon enough. Ten pounds a month. Just ten pounds a month. 

People that haven't seen me for a while say I am shrinking like crazy, but I don't see it. I suppose if I could see myself in the mirror at my old weight to my new weight I would get it. I should probably take more pictures, but there in nothing I hate more than pictures. It's embarrassing. 

I'm about to go to my 30th class reunion. People will just see me as fat. They won't see the struggle. The weight I've lost. They will just compare me to the 18 year old thin guy. The guy I want so badly to be. It's embarrassing. I almost didn't want to go because I am embarrassed. Oh well, I have to over that and face the fact that people will see what they want to see. My good friends will see that I am still me. At least I hope so. I'll let you know. The reunion is August 10th. One day before my 29th anniversary to Cheri. That should be what people see. Two people still madly in love with each other.   

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