Wednesday, January 26, 2011

January 26th, 2011 - Somethings different

I'm not ready to fully commit to this and it is still far from proven, but I do feel as if something biologically has changed. Now, I know it's not my leukemia, but something is different. Jon Gabriel says that you will start to feel a change when your body feels mentally and physically ready to lose weight.

For the last couple of months I have focused on why I'm fat or more importantly, why I can be a successful dieter and an even more successful weight gain backer. I can't believe spell check didn't kill backer. I suppose the word could be used as "he had a backer." Okay, but what I meant was I gain all the dieted weight back plus a little more each yo of the yo yo. I have been working with the therapist and the recordings of the Gabriel Method to self evaluate what has made me and what continues to plague my permanent weight loss.

I've come a long way and most of it has been too personal for this blog. Maybe too personal for me even though it was me. I have identified dozens of potential weight management scars. Everything from wanting to be bigger for little league football to constant confidence breaking comments about my butt when I was skinny as a bed post to very personal coming of age mistakes.

It may sound strange, but I haven't worried or stressed out about my weight or dieting because I want to solve the root before I delve into another calorie campaign. And yet, I lost 3 inches on my waist in less than 30 days. I promised myself that I wouldn't step on the scale again until March. Instead I would measure my waist, so I don't know how much weight I have lost, but I can tell that my clothes fit a little better. Maybe, just maybe, my body is allowing me to lose weight without the heavy food withdrawals. Anyway, I hope that is what I feel different because cancer still scares me a bit.

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