Monday, April 18, 2011

Monday April 18th 2011 - Panic Attack (s)

After my oncologist appointment I lost about 14 pounds. I'm sure I haven't lost more. Perhaps I even started gaining some back. When I'm at my heaviest it's hard to get out of my car and it was hard this morning.

However, that could be due to this weekend's storage adventure. Last Saturday, the 9th, my wife and I worked for 11 hours trying to consolidate our three storage areas into two. One of our storage rooms is climate control and alarmed with additional cameras watching the inside hallways. I use that for art and stuff like our fishing and camping gear that needs to be readily accessible. The other two, one medium and one 24x8x8 contain our furniture and household belongings (we temporarily share my in-law's house with my wife's aunt). Anyway, we made tremendous progress on the 9th, but we didn't quite finish. After the 9th my bad left knee swelled and required ice and pain killers for four days.

Last Saturday, the 16th, we took two of our boys and miraculously finished off the consolidation. This time I immediately iced my knee and it didn't hurt nearly as much as it had, however, my back hurts like hell this morning.

So, on to the panic attacks. I shouldn't have any because I am on three anti anxiety medications. Past panic attacks had been scary and frequent. On Friday the 8th I took my wife out for Sushi and a movie. We saw "Arthur" and it was hilarious. On the way home I started feeling hot like I had a fever. I got the cold sweats and got real uncomfortable like I needed out of my clothes and started shaking. By the time we made it home I was a mess. It took me a few minutes to walk into the house. I felt as if I was going to collapse and I was totally panicked. I finally made it in with my wife's help and I sat and drank water and took some Lorazapam. I ate a piece of baked chicken and things calmed down. It was frightening because I didn't know what caused it.  

On Wednesday night I was having trouble getting comfortable in bed and I finally gave up and got up to get some water. I like ice water so I headed to the kitchen. By the time I made it I was having a full fledged panic attack. And I took the appropriate measures and it went away, but I slept with horrible nightmares.

I don't know what's up. Maybe I'm upset about money. Maybe I'm upset by the pressure of having to write 20 articles by the end of the month. I don't know and I don't like it. For now I am carrying extra lorazapam in my pocket and I will be calling my shrink.


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