Thursday, October 3, 2013

I need a break

I have written through some parts of the book that really deserve and require elaboration. For instance, the profound affect of my Uncle's suicide in 1980 and, of course, my father's suicide in 1993.

In 1993 I tried to be strong for my family and suppressed my confusion and grief. It resulted in a huge weight gain for me and possibly the emergence of my own manic-depressive actions and behaviors. I really should have gone into counseling right then and there. I definitely should have been seeing a psychiatrist. I had plenty of baggage to work through and my mind was stressing out.

In 2001 I had a major bipolar episode. I don't think "major" is strong enough. I almost took my own life describes it a bit better. I had to be institutionalized three times in 2001 describes it better.

I've easily written past those times by ignoring the details. Most of the book, more than 3/4's, is about my life and education about bipolar disorder since I collapsed in 2001. But, now I have to go back and detail my dad's suicide and my... 2001. It's too painful right now and I need a break. Today, tomorrow, maybe next week. I don't know. Maybe little bits at a time, but I will write it. I need to write it.


  1. Calm down DEAR!! This life is gift of GOD it gives you better and more chance for better days. We should respect to this life. Everyone not get same days forever.

    Kopi Luwak

  2. Sometimes its hard to see the rainbow through the fog, but I am feeling better this morning. I'm still taking a break on the book. My mother-in-law said you shouldn't put yourself through this again and then, in the same prolonged conversation we both agreed that I must work my way through it.