Monday, March 8, 2010

Monday March 8th, 2010 - Bipolars Unite!

I haven't been to the gym since I sprained my knee on the 27th of February. It's killing me. I miss the quite time. Well, maybe not that quite; I listen to my iPod loudly the whole time, but there's no phones, computers, laundry, or racing thoughts. I do take the time to write in my head, but I'm still not manic. Best of all, I don't feel any anxiety. I enjoy pushing myself to absolute exhaustion. If I'm shaking after a workout, I know I've completed my task. Without the gym I have had more time to write the book and re-write and re-design the site, but I miss the daily routine. I can not wait until spring when the bike trails thaw. I enjoy a nice fast paced four hour ride to Denver and back. I'm also looking forward to 3-day hikes up the 14'ner's. I know I need to keep this knee in the brace, but I'm really looking forward to the gym. Maybe in a week or so I'll start with my physical therapy. I'll probably have to wait even longer to hit the basketball court. And, perhaps, I should skip the pick-up games with the teenagers. At least for a while. Main objective is to keep the legs buff. And, of course, lose weight.

Actually, even if I wanted to I couldn't go to thew gym this week because of this stupid cold. Yesterday I had a fever of 100 to 102 and I felt as if I were freezing. I really don't like the chills. Anyway, I'm feeling better today.

I already knew my friend Tom was bipolar. He's simply too brilliant to have gotten through without some kind of handicap. Is it a handicap? Many artists, including my dad, thrive on both the mania and depression. Some of my dad's weirdest and most creative work was done during self-medicated bipolar episodes. One positive note; just by dumb luck, I have found a wife (not my wife silly), mother, fantastic writer, and fellow bipolar.

In her writing she talks about her "dark place." I have that address in my rolodex! If you recall, I was having trouble since November 2009 sticking to the diet because I felt as if I were slipping into madness. It's been two full years since I was a guest of the Holiday Inn (my code word for the mental facilities). Sometimes I long for the safety and security of the "Inn," but as soon as I get there I want out. Last time I was in for a month. Thank God I can only remember the last ten days or so. Aside from my writing I take care of my family. My wife works her ass off and I deeply appreciate her regular paychecks over my inconsistent, however, large ones. I have two things that have kept me out of the hospital; My doctor adjusting my meds and the unconditional love and support of my wife. I've been on the new med schedule for a week or so and I feel better. The cycling between omnipotent and self-loathing have slowed down. They are never gone, but at least I can handle it better now. I have pushed my dark place a little father away. Of course, you may want to ask me that in a few hours. I'm like Colorado weather. If you don't like it, wait five minutes. My new friend Amber has a wonderful blog called "Not Now Dear." I like the way she describes her disorder. The blog is at Check it out.

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