Tuesday April 6th, 2010 - Still struggling

I would love to say that I've been great on the diet, but the truth is I've had trouble eating too much. Good healthy food, but too much. Too much Easter candy. I'm afraid of weighing in heavier for my oncologist appointment on Thursday than I did a few months ago. It will be embarrassing. I also have a little anxiety about the results of the blood and CT scan. I occasionally feel a bit of pain where my enlarged spleen is. It concerns me. My platelet count concerns me. Not too excited about Thursday's appointment.

I am ready to renew my gym membership and get back at it. If I exercise everyday, I have an easier time sticking to my proper portions. It makes me kick into health nut mode. It's Spring time and it's time. So here we go. I guess you could call it round four. My first round was in the hospital in November 2007. The second round was in January 2008. I lost about 70 pounds in three months all of it the wrong way. I just lost my appetite and stopped eating. Round three was last summer when I lost 60 more pounds. This summer I want to lose the same. That means following last year's example.

As far as the fiction novel is concerned, I wrote through chapter 7 and I'm working on 8-10 and decided I need to get into touch with the dark side. I want the psychotic dreams to get heavy. My dark side isn't that shocking so I think I need to read the "on writing horror" book and watch some scary movies. I don't like scary movies. They remind me of my nightmares so I have always avoided them. But, not now. I need to watch something real scary like Nightmare of Elm Street. I'll have to watch it during the day and as an academic. Watching the film making; the angles; the backgrounds; the storytelling.