Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Tuesday June 28th 2011 - Dieting in the mean time

I was pretty upset about the surgical delay. It definitely didn't help my week long bipolar depression. Yesterday was a better day emotionally and I feel pretty good today so I must be cycling back up. At least I hope so.

Good thing because I am trying to finish writing part two of my book "Night in Positano." If you're new to my blog here's a two liner about the book... "Night in Positano" tells the story of a young man from Boulder Colorado who is struggling with onset bipolar disorder and psychosis. While visiting his father in Positano Italy Nick has a major bipolar episode and attempts suicide. You can read a free preview at

The last few months have been marked by overeating and sneaking sweet snacks. This weekend I started to really crack down on my diet. Just for this week I am eating oatmeal with nuts and raisins for breakfast and lunch. At dinner, I am only eating one small plate of food. Hopefully that will help me feel less bloated and uncomfortable.

My downfall is peanut butter and jelly at night. I get so frick'n hungry if I stay up past eleven. On Sunday I did great until my 15 year old's birthday BBQ. I only ate one plate, but I had cake and ice cream. I felt so bloated I thought I would burst. As much as I hate feeling hungry, I really hate over eating.

I am also going to return to the gym... this afternoon. I am going to renew my six month membership because I feel guilty not going four or five times a week. I want to be in as good of shape as I can be when I get my surgery so that I can really hit it like I am on the "Biggest Loser" television show.

Before I go back to writing the book I wanted to briefly address a disturbing issue. Okay, maybe two parts of an issue. First, my wife has a friend who is also losing the battle against morbid obesity and she feels horrible, defeated, and ugly. She is not ugly. As for her other thoughts, I completely understand. My wife told her that I was embarrassed to go out into public because I feel like everyone is judging me based on my weight and that I just look disgusting. That part is true. She said that she couldn't believe I thought I was hideous because I don't look that bad. I think I do. I can't wait for the surgery. But, it brings up an important point; fat people usually have a negative opinion about themselves as if their self-worth was based on their weight. I always think people has a negative opinion of me until they hear me speak and realize that I am more than a fatso.

Second, fat people are routinely picked on. The politically correct world says we can't use words that offend people, but it seems like there is an open season on making fun of the fat guy. We don't actually eat people... unless we have some good BBQ sauce. Oh and hide your babies cause we'll eat them. Oh yeah, we are so stupid and weak because we can't put the fork down. You know what  I say to all that crap? F%*#$ you! No one wakes up says, "Hey, I feel like getting fat today." And becoming obese doesn't happen overnight. It is a gradual process that reaches a point of frustration where people just give up. But, why can we accept that celebrities actually need to go to treatment for being horny and we can't accept that many fat people, like me, are dealing with an addiction to food. Oh yeah, I am going to eat the next kid that snickers when I walk by.

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