Tuesday July 27th 2010 - Vitamin D/ Sunshine!

I have wasted wonderful vacations by being too fat and out of shape to enjoy the full extent of the opportunities. In 2004 we went to Disney World for a week and the Disney Cruise for another 4 or 5 days. I weighed about 425 or so. I struggled to get around. While I made it to everything we wanted to see, I was uncomfortable and irritable. I was also self conscious because the extra large Grumpy shirt was tight as hell.  The cruise was fine, but my dive off of Nassau was rough.

In 2006, we went to Germany and France for two weeks. I rented a car in Germany, so it wasn't so bad getting around, but by the time we made it to Paris I was worn out and unable to walk for extended periods of time. My weight was still somewhere over 400. After that trip I ended up getting surgery on my knee because of a torn MCL. While stress was the cause, the weight was the stress. Poor knee. It still acts up, but only when I actually injure it exercising. These vacations would have been so much better for me and my family if I had been in better shape.

Now we are preparing for Yellowstone National Park. There is no way I'm going to let my health hamper my enjoyment of the trip. We will be walking and when we are not walking we will be hiking. No subways or taxi's to bail me out. Since I started working out June 2009 I have been in wonderful shape. No reservations about doing anything. Nonetheless, I want to be in extra good shape for this trip. Yesterday I went and played basketball in 98 degree blazing sun weather to get acclimated to the heat and the sunshine. Today I made it to the gym as scheduled and managed to get another 30 minutes on the outdoor basketball court. Thursday, I'm going to hike around Roxborough State Park. This weekend I'll head up to mount Evans to get a real high altitude hike in. Everyday I'm trying to stretch my limitations. Of course the secret to surviving the heat and altitude is hydration. In Colorado you need more water because of the dry air and relative altitude. When your hiking in the mountains you need even more because high altitude hikes consume water like crazy. So, along with the exercise and heat exposer, I have not gotten heat stroke because I drink so much water I could puke. The real barometer of your hydration is in your pee. Are you peeing at all? And what color is it? If your urinating several times during your hike or outing and the pee is light yellow, you should be just fine regardless of the exertion.

I guarantee you that I'm going to have a great time without any limitations. Well, maybe financial limitations, but not physical. Besides, on this trip I will only weigh 330 pounds. Still big, but much better than the 400's. And I am strong. Real strong. My circuit weight training is going great and my weights have gone way up. I'm squatting 430 pounds and I'm maxing out most of the other machines. I could seriously lift the back of a Toyota Corolla... as long as the tank is empty and no one is in the car. Maybe some helium balloons stuffed inside. Just kidding. I feel as strong as an Ox. I'm ready and I will be even more ready by August 8th.

Monday July 26th, 2010 - Virus

Since my wacko virus attack on the 9th, I've avoided the gym. Not only was my chronic coughing annoying to me, it would have freaked out the other gym members. Particularly in the last year the recreation center has asked the members to wipe down their equipment and wash your hands frequently. Nonetheless, I'm sure I picked up the virus from there. 


On Saturday we had another BBQ and I felt fine, so yesterday I went to the gym and did a full heavy circuit set and shot hoops for exactly 30 minutes. I need to quickly build up my muscles and tolerance for heat so I don't hinder our exploratory hikes while on vacation in Yellowstone National Park. Our vacation begins on August 8th and we return on August 12th or 13th. My oldest son is not going with us so watch out for impromptu parties at our house. Just kidding. We share a house with my wife's aunt. There will be no parties. Bummer.


I have been through most of the United States, Canada, the Caribbean, and Europe, but I've never been to Yellowstone Park. We will be hiking and fishing beyond our hearts delight. I am actually more excited about this trip than my trip to the south of France. Nothing against France. I love France and the rest of Europe, but ever since I was a kid I wanted to go to Yellowstone. Or as Yogi calls it "Jellystone."


Vacations like this are win win win win. First, it's great to get out town and spend time with your family. It's psychologically sound. Second, you get to exercise in one of the most beautiful places on the planet. I suppose it could be a challenge as far as "vacation"  food cravings go, but I've got a good grip on my vegetarian diet. As long as I pay attention to the rules I can't do too much damage.    


In a few minutes I will go pick my son up from a pre-high school seminar and go shoot some more hoops in the blazing sun. I really do need to get used to the heat and I could use a bit of a tan to assist my sun/insect protection. My pre-vacation plan is to workout with weights every other day and play basket ball or hike or something with cardiovascular exertion everyday. I was in bad health and out of shape in the years leading up to my chronic lymphocytic leukemia diagnosis. I didn't enjoy our European and Disney adventures as much as I should have. This time health and stamina will not be a factor.

Wednesday July 14th, 2010 - Insomnia

On Friday July 9th I came down with the most alarming cold I can remember. My chest had felt a little wheezy when I got up, but it felt more like sinus drainage than anything else. Then at 4pm we had a BBQ across town and I started feeling short of breath. The symptoms continued to multiply literally by the hour. By the time we left the BBQ I felt like shit. I now could barely breath, my nose was congesting faster than I could clear, my throat was on fire (probably from the urgent coughing), and my head was hurting. After I dropped off the boys at home, I sought out the local urgent care facility only to find them closed. What's the point of having an urgent care if their hours mirror your primary care physician? Anyway, by that time I was freaked out at how quickly I was going downhill. Thoughts of celebrities dieing from pneumonia and an outbreak of meningitis up north and my weakened immune system prompted me to head into the local Emergency Room. They kept me under observation for about six hours and after they x-rayed my chest they determined that I had a wicked virus and sent me home with some cough medicine.

On Saturday I felt as if I were dieing and remained in bed with a horrible migraine headache. Finally on Sunday I ventured out of my room long enough to shower and eat and went back to bed. On Monday I felt human, but still sick. This morning, at the early hour of 4am, I feel pretty much the same as I felt before the BBQ on Friday. Sick, but not incapacitated by a headache. Just a raw throat and lots of drainage including coughing up tons of yellow phlegm, but only a mild fever of 99.7 degrees. I still feel a bit exhausted, but I'll make it through the day. Good sleep would have been good, but I apparently forgot to take my Seroquel and woke up after only 5 hours of sleep. Whatever. I'll be fine.

Coincidentally I had a physical and oncologist exam on Monday morning. Other than feeling the effects of the virus, I'm very healthy. My platelet count even went up slightly. At the time of the blood draw a week ago I had a blood platelet count of 90,000 up from 80,000, but still drastically lower than the normal "low" of 150,000. Most people have platelet counts closer to 250,000 to 350,000. If a physician saw that low platelet count, they would immediately diagnose leukemia which they did for me in 2007. To be more precise, I have chronic lymphocytic leukemia (CLL). Since I am currently cancer free they say I'm in remission.. It is estimated that 86,000 Americans live with CLL and the survival rate is fairly high these days. Nonetheless, I will continue to get checked every 3 months. Other than that issue I was perfect - blood pressure, heart rate, liver, kidneys, vitamins, protein, cholesterol (a bit too low), and b-12 levels just fine. Better than fine; good in fact.

Yesterday I took Bobby in for his orthodontist appointment and took he and Jeff to the Original Pancake House. We had some perfect pancakes and I was stuffed. It was then that I flipped the switch towards controlling my appetite. I've been trying to diet, but giving in now and then which really meant shit because I wasn't losing weight. Now I will. I am full on vegetarian and carefully watching my calorie count. I know I've said it before, but this time its real. I also picked up a seven day colon cleanse because eating meat for the last month has made me feel bloated and icky.

My "diet" plan is simple - good healthy food (including seafood for protein), good sleep (aside from tonight. opps), exercise, and six smaller meals per day rather than 3 over-sized meals. I don't know what my current weight is. I want to take it after I have had the colon cleanse and my water pills. Then I should have a real good idea of where I'm at.

Traditionally, I include a paragraph from my book "Positano" so here is a paragraph pulled out of chapter 13 right after Nic has landed in Rome...

       Universally, custom agents typically stood stoic with the air of “officialness,” but here were two young Italian men in the statutory uniforms clearly checking out a beautiful woman in a wide white hat struggling with her disobedient child. The line stood still as they leaned into each other and whispered something that they found funny and I found annoying. They laughed and turned back to me. The officers immediately became erect and stoic as the first agent asked me with a completely straight face, “hai qualche cocaine?” What the fuck?!!! The second officer buckled over in laughter attracting their supervisor’s attention. They looked towards the supervisor like children caught sneaking a cookie then turned to me sheepishly and said, “passaporto, per favore.”  

   

Thursday July 8th, 2010 - Rylan

Boy, what a week of BBQ's. Two more this weekend, but I've started my vegetarian diet which is much easier than vegan. Particularly the seafood choice. Of course, now I have to recalibrate my internal calorie counter. I don't think ice cream with hot fudge whipped cream with a cherry on top should be allowed. Yup. Definitely, need to exclude the cherry. I jest.

Other than adapting to the new vegetarian diet, I've been babysitting my cousin's nine month old little girl this week. Rylan and I have had a love affair ever since she was born. I guess she's my practice grand-daughter. Nonetheless, we giggle, eat, sleep, and poop. It's a great relationship. It's been a great week, but my only real exercising has been walking Rylan and "uppy."

I also have not made any creditable progress on my book. I thought I would be able to write while Rylan slept, but, to be honest, I'm tired. Rylan and I have tons of fun, but she wears me out. I've been able to keep up with my estate work and FaceBook. LOL. I kind of hate the euphemism "LOL," but what can you do WCYD? BTW I'm in the early stages of collaborating with Spain to build a solo "traveling" retrospective of my father's film and artwork. The work and logistics involved will be extensive. I'm sure all the forthcoming work will be worth it.

While I write and re-write portions of my book constantly, I do like hearing from you so thank you and here's a paragraph from the chapter where Nic has just found his seat on his flight from Denver to Chicago...

As I was looking over the emergency exit plan a large older woman sat next to me. We exchanged smiles and I went back to the emergency card. After we took off she asked, “So, what is your name?”

Oh God. A talker. I answered, “Nic.”

“My name is Grace. Glad to meet you.” She thrust out her hand and I reluctantly shook her hand.

“Who is waiting for you in Chicago?” She asked.

“I’m not going to Chicago. I’m connecting to New York City then to Rome.”

“Rome, Italy?!!!”

I answered, “Yes.”

“By yourself?!!!”

“Yes. I do it all the time. Well, mostly to New York City, but I can take care of myself.”

“You’re a very brave boy!” Boy? Who the hell is she calling “boy?” She asked.

“Yup. Going to see my dad.”

“Does he live in Rome?”

“Yes.” I hoped that would shut her up.

“I’m going to see my first grandson in Springfield, Illinois!” Oh God. Please don’t have pictures.

“Do you want to see his pictures?”

No no no! “Sure.” Damn.

She showed me about 30 photos of the ugliest baby I ever saw. His smile looked more like a dire need to fart. His straight face looked like he had a diaper full of shit. She had pictures of the baby taking a bath in the sink. Man, is he fat. I smiled and nodded politely. I smiled and told her thank you. She took the pictures back and thumbed through them one more with a smile from ear to ear. Beauty is definitely in the eye of the beholder. She genuinely couldn’t wait to see this cabbage patch reject. For a few minutes she was lost in baby bliss.

Unfortunately she regained her composer and asked “What does your dad do?”

I lied, “He a propulsion engineer for Ferrari.”

Remarkably, she asked, “Ferrari?”

You’re kidding. “The sports car builder.”

Her eyes lit up and she said, “Like Magnum P.I.!”

“Yes. Magnum P.I.”

She looked forward as if in a blissful trance. Finally she said, “Tom Selleck.”

As she landed back into reality she said, “How exciting! Do you think your dad knows Tom Selleck?”

Oh seriously. “No.”

She said, “Too bad. So how long will you be visiting your dad?”

“Oh, I’m moving there.” I lied again.

“Oh my, how exciting.” She continued, “Where’s your mom?”

“She’s dead.”

“Oh, I’m so sorry.” Finally she shut up.

July 1st, 2010 - ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY... things I've learned

Hello and thank you for visiting! Over the course of the last twelve months I've posted a dismal 250 posts while having over 2,600 visits. Again, thank you. I hope the next twelve months of posts will have greater frequency, depth, and utility.

Thirteen months ago when I began researching the world of blogs, I noted that, while most blogs die out well within the first year, non-commercial obesity blogs barely made it a few months. Not this one. I fully intend on increasing, not decreasing my blog presence. I believe that most obesity blogs die out when the host gains back the weight or simply gets bored. I know that my postings became less frequent when I started gaining the weight back. I am not here selling anything. By the way, I do get paid when you visit my sponsors, but I return that income into google ads to attract more readers. I'm all about sharing no matter how much it hurts just in case I can help that one person who has given up.

It's easy to report weight loss and tragically difficult to report weight gain. "Hi campers! Today, I gained four pounds!" Not as inspirational as losing a pound. Anyone that says that obese people should just put down the fork probably don't understand the level of difficulty involved with quiting smoking or any number of addictions. Obesity is an addiction. It's a cycle that includes bad food choices as well as simply eating too much of the right food. It's about eating an extra 10% with every meal and failing to exercise. I was there. I ate because it felt good. I still eat because it feels good.

That's my truth. I lost 40 pounds in the last year... and over the course of just a few months I've nearly gained it all back. How can that be? I became a vegan and exercised like crazy. I am much healthier, but not much thinner. I was doing fine until I hit a plateau in November. I just couldn't seem to lose anymore weight and I didn't fully understand how our bodies work.

Initially, I lost weight quickly, but then my body adjusted. Yes, your body does in fact have an ancient defense against change. Your metabolism will compensate for your routine. I have mistakenly thought that the biological forces of nature fought weight loss while embracing weight gain. That's is faulty logic because your body seriously goes to shit with weight gain, hence, heart disease, diabetes, and the inability to fit in airplane seats. Ha! I'm so funny! In all actuality, your body rewards you for weight loss but you have to understand the game and come up with a life change, not a diet.

I tried becoming a vegan. It seemed logical, but I found out that vegans can gain weight if they eat too much. Three weeks ago I decided to temporarily fall off of the vegan diet. As noted, I have decided to become vegetarian instead of vegan. And I want to include seafood for the purposes of protein and the fact that it will help me find satisfying food at restaurants and dinner parties. I think it will be a more sustainable life style.

Exercise is important for about a million reasons all having to do with health and quality of life, but it's really not that significant for weight loss. Most people go work their asses off, literally, only to go out and eat a chocolate cake because they think they can. Oooooohhh no. I call that "compensational confusion."

Of course exercise helps to burn calories, but one Big Mac and a large fry is about 900 calories and it takes cycling at 10 miles per hour for 2 1/2 hours to burn it off. You burn more calories sleeping 8 hours. I am strong as hell. Seriously, I can bench over 200 pounds and leg press 430 pounds. I do stomach crunches with 180 pounds. I am one strong mofo and I'm still very fat.

After a year I have learned that I can lose weight, but I need to trick my body by changing up my routines and sticking to the calorie count even when it hurts. Oh, and by the way, diet pills will screw up your biology more than fried Twinkies. The game is good food within reason and a sustainable life change that includes greater physical activity and CALORIE COUNTING!

That being said, I begin my next chapter as a vegetarian on July 5th (after the yummy hot link BBQ's). My exercise routine will include anything that gets me off of my butt and regular trips to the gym where I will change up my routine every couple of months. I may even try jazzercise... for a while or until someone finds out and posts my leotard ass on facebook.  

Sunday June 27th, 2010 - Psych Ward

I started the day out at the gym and after a muscle burning workout I shot hoops for another 20 minutes just to get my heart rate up one more time. While I was playing I was thinking about how to tie the first part of my book into part three better. I needed some relevant situations that foretold a bit of the future of the book.

"Nic" was doing fine, but I needed to have him lose it at least once before his trip to Italy in part two. The following is the incident that led to his 72 hour psych ward internment (a few words had to be censored, but you'll get it)...

That particular morning I was late to class [Nic] and I had to sit towards the back corner. I preferred to be up front. Stephanie was the only black girl in our class. She was quiet and wore thick glasses, but she was hot anyway. I sat next to her in choir so I knew she was smart. Her dad was a biology professor at the University of Colorado and her mom was a lawyer with social services. I liked her. I was trying to work up the nerve to ask her to go skating with me.

Sitting back in the corner behind me were two knuckle dragging Neanderthals. They were whispering back and forth to one another talking shit about kids in the class. They didn’t have a clue nor did they care about imperialism. I loathed them. They caught my attention when I heard them say Stephanie. I’m not sure who was who back there, but one of them said, “I would love to !@$% the $#@# out of that $*&%$.”

As if on autopilot I jumped out of my seat and dove back at the nearest caveman. My fist connected with his jaw and we both went tumbling along with his desk. He tried to fight back, but I had the drop on him. I was really laying into him with both fists flying. Right as I sat up and took aim at his face, Mr. Woodacre grabbed me by the collar and yanked me away from the asshole. I wasn’t done, but Mr. Woodacre was. My month was bleeding, but the knuckle dragger’s eye was already swelling shut and his nose was oddly bent sideways. Mr. Woodacre went to help him and the teacher from next door pulled me out into the hall. The principal and two other office people were running down the hall towards me. One held onto my arm as if I were under arrest. 

By the time I was escorted to the office, the police were already pulling up with lights flashing. As the police started two stepping up to the front doors, the school nurse came to check on me and for the first time someone asked, “What happened?” I started to explain that those two jerks called Stephanie a $%#&, but I was cut off by the principal and handed over to the police. They handcuffed me and took me to the police station. I all happened so fast I didn’t really realized the extent of my outburst until I was sitting on a hard bed in this little cell bright with light and sealed securely with a solid door with a small shatter proof window. 

Thursday June 24th, 2010 - Vegetarian option

I've thought about it and decided that I will continue to abstain from mammals, but allow limited dairy, primarily cheese, and wild catch seafood starting on July 5. The vegan diet is possible. I did it for a year, but vegetarian will be easier. I think that this particular diet will someday become mainstream because healthy land animals and fresh water fish will be in short supply because of the damaged hydro-system.

I watched a documentary last night called "Gas Land." It clearly demonstrated that Natural Gas Drilling was causing ground water contamination on a apocalyptic level. The 2005 Energy Policy Act, strongly endorsed by Dick Chaney and George Bush, exempted hydraulic fracturing from regulation under the Safe Water Drinking Act. The Safe Water Act tried to regulate pollution with the goal of making all of our rivers and lakes as healthy as possible. The 2005 act mobilized the largest public land grab in our history and increased natural gas drilling more than 10 fold and growing. In order to extract the gas from the, I believe it's limestone, rock, they have to use over 550 chemicals, many of them proven carcinogenic like benzene's and arsenic, to lube the drilling, maintain the integrity of the well, and literally fracture the rock horizontally to release the gas. The problem is that only 50% of the "produced" water is returned to the surface. The rest bleeds into ground water contaminating water wells, streams, rivers, the air, fish, cattle, wildlife, and humans. If this particular method is continued, the nation's water supply and fishing will be irrevocably damaged. This contamination will spread from the rural drilling sites to our metropolitan water within my lifetime. Fresh water and fresh water fish will be too contaminated to consume. At that point, seafood will be the only alternative, but that is, of course, if they can get a grip on the offshore drilling dilemma. By the way, Norway has laws and regulations that allow profitable deep drilling without nearly the risk we face from all of the thousands of offshore wells we already have. I believe their are also safer ways to extract natural gas, but we need to be motivated to use them before they change our lives for good.

And now I have to admit to owning and leasing three oil wells in Washington County Colorado. I'm not sure what methods my particular drilling company uses, but I will find out and take appropriate activist measures. Of course, my dilemma will be oil royalties that could potentially pay for all of my families higher education and pay off our student loans. Yet to be determined.

As promised, here is a sample of my book "Positano": 

As I balanced the warmth of the shower, I reached for my toothbrush and then slipped in. I began to relax as the warmth of the water rinsed the clammy sweat down the drain. Gathering my wits, I began franticly lathering up the soap in a vain attempt to steal time. I was still struggling to catch my breath. The nightmare remained as vivid as it once was. I need to think of something pleasant like… April. Yes, April. April lived in the house directly behind our house. She was two years older than me. She delighted in teasing me. I think she thinks I’m harmless. The truth is I was. She’s probably in the shower right now.

Yesterday, she caught me staring at her while she was sunbathing. Instead of getting mad, she grinned and waved to me, “Hello Nic!”

Okay, be cool. “Hi April.”

She started to get up when she realized her top was untied. She was a bit too late. Oh my God! I’ve been fantasizing about this moment for years! There they were; two huge creamy tits swaying back and forth in the hot autumn sun. As I stood there, titty shocked, she pulled her top back into place and simply said, “Opps.”

As she stood up she tilted her head back into the blazing sun and ran her fingers through her long blond hair in a vain attempt to pull it back into place. She slowly turned away from me and purposefully bent down at the waist to pick up her glass of ice water. God is good.

She knowingly smiled walked over to me saying, “It’s a pretty hot day.”

Her lips moved, but I heard nothing. I could smell her glossy coconut butter. I finally muttered, “You’re getting sunburned.”

She giggled. “What are you up to today?” I thought that was already clear.

“Not much. I was just taking a break from my homework.” What homework? I just spent the last 20 minutes spying on her through my bedroom window trying get up the nerve to walk outside.

“Taking a break, huh? You want to join me?” Tease.

If I had any balls I’d take one step and jump over that damn fence and tackle that shit. Instead, I sheepishly stood there and said, “I better get back to my homework.” I hate myself.

She softly laid her hand over mine and looked straight into my eyes and said, “maybe next time.”

She glanced down and quickly looked back into my eyes with a devilish grin and said, “Are you sure?”

I followed her eyes down just to see that my dick was standing out there on its own as hard as diamonds. She was the one melting in the sun and, yet, my face was redder than hers.

I just turned and went back into the house. Well, actually to the bathroom. I locked the door and grabbed the lotion.

That was yesterday, and now, in my warm shower, I couldn’t stop thinking about her ginormous breasts. My hands wondered as I envisioned the water flowing over her bronzed body. In my mind I could see her slowly lathering the soap on her belly and patiently working her way down. I imagined her tightly closing her eyes and biting her lip as she collapsed against the cool tile. On queue, my body rocked and I found blissful relief. 

   

June 22, 2010 - Second longest day of the year

Yesterday was actually the Summer Solstice, but I watched my clock and there was still only 24 hours. I'm kidding. Of course it means the longest stretch of day light for the year. From here on out, the sun will be out a few less minutes a day until the winter Solstice. I would have enjoyed being out in the sun yesterday, but I'm still on antibiotics and they tend to make me light sensitive. Sunburn sensitive. Anyway, I spent the day glued to my computer writing my book and loving it. I think it's really clicked into place. It knows its own identity and mission. Today I've included a short excerpt. I will try to post an excerpt each day.

Last night I decided that I am going to go "vegetarian" and not back to vegan on July 5th (my vegan birthday) because it should be more sustainable. I usually get cravings for cheese. I love cheese, crackers, and a nice mellow merlot. The biggest set back to veganism is clearly protein. I can't keep up with the amount of soy shakes that it takes to even get close to my recommended day dosages, so I've also decided that seafood will be included in my diet. No red meat, poultry, or pork products and by-products. I'll be very selective and conservative on any dairy in my diet. I like soy milk and I will keep that in my diet. I really hate cow's milk, I just love the cheese. I've been eating vegetarian pizza's without the cheese. I want the cheese. I guess that's clear enough. I didn't change my diet temporarily; I made a change for life (with amnesty for two weeks every June).

When I began my vegan journey, I felt cleaner. You can feel your energy pick up and you just feel clean. You need to try it to understand. Actually, you should try it. Even if it's only for a month. I think meat weighs you down. Maybe it clogs up the works. During my two week amnesty program I'm only eating organic meat. Nothing with bovine hormones or antibiotics. Free range if I can find it. Sunflower Market is a real good source for organic meats, however, King Soopers also keeps a small stock pile on hand.

So, I've gained weight since October. I was 310-313. Now I'm a 333. Just bullshit weight from not paying attention to my calories, late night peanut butter sandwiches, too big of servings, getting sick, because it's Tuesday, or whatever excuse I can think of all of which are completely my fault. Most of it was from the last two months. Vegan diets are still full of calories and that's the name of the game; calories. I own this new weight and now I have to lose it plus 15 more pounds so I'm back in the 200's by the end of the summer.

I haven't lost the dream of being an ideal weight, I've just made it a little more realistic. A large part of my frustration with my diet was that I wasn't losing 20 pounds per month. Actually, I think 5 pounds a month will be fine after I lose this first 28 pounds. I need to mentally get a grip on it so I don't get discouraged next fall. I know I can lose the 28 pounds this summer because I'm competitive and I have to answer to this blog.

It should also be noted that my overall health over the last year is like night and day. I was sluggish, fat, and easily winded. Now, I'm still on the biggish side, but I'm strong, healthy, and full of energy. I attribute that to losing weight and regular exercise. Not only do I still hit the gym three times a week, but I also ride my bike and find anything during the day that will kick up the heart rate for 30 minutes or more. Sometimes it is as simple as mowing the lawn.

As promised, here is an excerpt from the first chapter of my book "Positano." 

He was leading me away from the school. I was already late for class and I tried to turn back, but his protests were so fierce and angry that it paralyzed me with fear. I had to follow him. We ran into a cement building that was devoid of any color or décor. He was full of excited agitation. I followed him as he ran through one bland hall to another. We made so many turns I was completely disoriented. The hall began to blur and then we came to an abrupt halt. He pushed me against a wall just before another turn and motioned to me to shut up. I was trembling. I heard distant voices. He turned to me with an odd evil grin and ran down the hall. He had a gun. Farther down around a corner shots rang out in rapid succession and then came the screaming. I stole a quick peek around the corner and saw a lady and her child running across a junction in far distance. In a flash, the girl dropped and the mother cried out in horror.  I cautiously slinked down the hallway towards the gun fire. All I could see was bloody bodies beyond their last breath.

I looked down at my hand and it held a gun. The gun was hot in my hand. Warm blood dripped off of my hands. It wasn’t my blood. I heard someone coming and the gun rose as if it had an independent mind. I had no control. I saw a shadow and with great trepidation my hand began to fire. The shadow fell, but it still sat up and took aim. I was confused. Why is it shooting at me? I watched in horror as my gun began issuing a steady stream of shots. It fell dead. 
I could hear more voices coming my way. I ran in panic, but I was hardly moving. It felt as if I were running on a marshmallow floor. I no longer needed the gun. The rounds were coming directly from my bloody hand. My hand impatiently began to spray everything behind me. 
Up ahead of me was the white blindness. I ran to the light. Engulfed in a vacuum of bright fog I realized I was falling. I tried to find a hold, but my arms were left flailing in the wind. I realized I was going to die and a calm sense of hopelessness pervaded my entire being. 

June 18th, 2010 - 1:30AM - still sick

My son gave me back the cold I thought I had already left behind, but this time it seems to be upper respiratory. My lungs feel as if they are filling. I might need to go in to see the doctor later this morning. Too many people die of complications from pneumonia.

I've decided to give myself vegan amnesty for the rest of the month. I'm going to eat meat. On July 4th (my vegan anniversary), I will decide if I want to return to vegan-ism or become a vegetarian. It would be nice to have some cheese once in a while. I didn't drink cow's milk before and I won't start now. And I won't eat eggs. Chicken embryos freak me out more than anything else. I don't know. I have a few weeks to decide. I started eating meat this week and I'm already bored with it. I had a good steak, a cheese burger, and some awesome swordfish. I'm sure I won't have any problem giving up the meat again. Maybe this time for good. I wonder if my cold is because of... maybe. Turning away meat will be another experiment in feeling fresh. A second coming of sorts. I can tell I'm running a fever and I can't get to sleep because of my runny nose. I sleep with a CPAP so clear nasal passages are a must. My throat is sore.

My weight hasn't changed. I need to lose a lot to get back on track, but I just don't care about calories as much when I'm sick. I just want a full belly and a good night's sleep.

I know I've been bad about writing, but now we have something to talk about. From vegan to carnivore and back to meat free. It might be an interesting ride. Today I ate mussels. I thought I really missed them, but I think they must be an acquired taste that I have lost. Signing out for now.   

Sunday June 6th, 2010 - Boring

Yesterday I capped off a wonderful day of writing with a quick (2 hour) hiking trip at O'Fallon State Park near Evergreen, Colorado and less than 20 miles west of our home. I was surprised when I became winded, but it was a fairly direct route up the mountain to find the trail, so maybe not so bad. The important part is getting outside, collecting a few rays (not too much), and breaking a sweat. I'm on a quest to get my heart beat up at least 30 minutes a day. Even if I don't live to be 100, I still want to enjoy life as much as possible and when your health restricts your activities, you need to shape up. Of course it about losing weight, but it is also about being fit. A little more than a year ago I became serious about my health. I lost weight and gained some back, but what has drastically improved is my fitness. I really don't think "I can't do that" because of being fat or out of shape. These days I'm more likely to say "bring it on baby."

Today, my 14 year old and I will go to the gym for a workout and maybe some basketball. To be honest, I'm not to enthusiastic about the gym because it is beautiful outside. I should find something to do outside. I think I will take Bobby to the gym, do our intense max workout and then play some basketball on the outdoor court. Or maybe I'll come home from the gym and finish reading my book. Or I could come back and paint. Humm, so many good choices and when I began this post I thought I was bored. Now, I just need to grab my tennis shoes and head out. I would add to that a possible bike ride, but it really looks too hot out. Bike rides are best in the morning when the sun isn't beating you to hell. No need to get heat stroke today.

Here is a small part of a dream from my first draft of "Positano."


... The wine relaxed me and I slept hard for most of the night, but just before the sun rose I had a dream. Not a nightmare; a dream; a nice dream. It started out with the usual “running late” anxiety pattern, but then it took a delightful turn. I was in an airport running with a group of people trying to find our gate. There was a terribly unpleasant woman arguing with the gate clerk about something having to do with her seat placement. She insisted that it was safer to sit above the wings. I know what’s safer; landing. 


While the foul mouthed woman was flinging her arms in air and carrying on, I turned to see a striking girl with long black hair and piercing green eyes staring at me. She motioned for me to follow her. I complied. We were standing together in an abandoned office. Neither one of us spoke. We didn’t need to. It had no windows, but still held aged shadows along the walls where objects used to be. We started kissing... 


I have to stop there because one of my greatest gifts may be writing sexual fantasies and this dream gets too hot to quickly for this post. I can tell you it ends with a shower and a smile. Bink.

Friday June 4th, 2010 - Mowing the lawn naked

Okay, I kidding about the "naked" part. I did mow the lawn. I enjoy mowing the lawn. I'm actually one of those freaks who mow at one angle and then mows a second time against the first angle. I like it to look like a golf course. Anyway, back on the topic, I enjoy mowing the lawn because it is good physical activity. I don't use the assist mode. There are many daily activities that can be considered and counted as exercise. Do them and do them the hard way. Every little bit helps burn fat. It's all about calories. Eating them and burning them. Have I mentioned that you burn most of your calories when you sleep. Well, maybe not most, but a significant amount.

The powers to be have added a new feature to my blog. Custom Amazon ads. Cool, huh? For my first one I choose the bipolar guide. It's helpful. I would appreciate input on what ads I should run. It would be nice to make some money off of the blog, but, in the long run, it doesn't matter. I write the blog for me and then for you the reader.

I think I need to spice up the posts, so I've decided to add small samples from my book, Positano, about a young man who has biploar onset. Mind you, they are still drafts, but it might be fun. You could give me input. Let's keep it organised. You can reply to the book samples with these choices... magnificent, courageous, inspiring, God like, and, for goodness sakes, avoid "I like this character, but... " I hate buts. Not butts. I love butts. Better be more specific. Women's butts. Yeah, I like a good butt. Oh yeah, I have a dialog where Nic (14) first meets the much older Adriana (24).... From the third part of "Positano"...

The sun was settling down over the water into a bed of bright yellow and vivid orange that was drooping gracefully below streaks of brilliant blue and gray clouds. It was time to get home. As I hurried along the path, I briskly turned a corner keeping an eye on the steps ahead of me when I glanced up and spied a beautiful goddess. Her face was turned away from me, but the vision of her shapely butt poured into some worn out jeans was enough to merit my full attention. I slowed as she pulled her loose button up shirt back onto her exposed tanned shoulder. Time briefly stood still as I absorbed every nuance of her long curly vibrant red hair. 

I lost my footing and tripped over the next step. The half second of fear was replaced by bright red embarrassment. I kept my head down as she quickly came down and to help me. She was a bit older than I was hoping. She was probably in her mid twenties.

She asked “Stai bene?”

I assumed that meant “are you okay?” and as my eyes met her eyes I become deaf, dumb, and tongue tied.

I muttered “yes, I’m okay” as I stood up and brushed off my pants.

She replied in perfect English, “Good. Better be careful on all these brutal pathways.” “My name is Adriana.”

Thursday June 3rd, 2010 - Week in Review

I guess I've been a little depressed to write about weight loss when I've done little but gain weight. I was horrified to weigh in at 332 last month and I switched workouts and tried to watch calories. I lost about 8 or 9 pounds, but I think they are back or all those salty olives have had their revenge. Either way, I've got some work to do. Realistically, I need to lower my expectations a bit. I would like to be back to 320 by July and 300 or less by September. It could have been so much easier if I hadn't gained weight back. Last summer I went from 360 to a low of 313 in the last few days of October.

And then the appetite kicked in or I simply let my guard down. Actually, both are true. I "allowed" my appetite to take control. First I had some bipolar instability and that took my full attention. I gained 6.2 pounds by the end of the year. Not so bad, but I was trying to lose weight. At the end of January I weighed 314.2. In retrospect that wasn't the end of the world and I felt emotionally stable by February. Here is where it gets bad. I was 323.4 on March 1st and I had just sprained my knee. No gym, but the gym is only a small part of weight loss. It's real good for your over all health and improves your quality of life by increasing your energy and stamina, but I still should have been able to control my weight. March sucked. I just couldn't lose weight and I was very discouraged. However, I had stabilized a bit and weighed in at 322.8 on April 1st. Still sliding in April. I seem to have lost control and was eating until I felt full and eating too much.

I know what you're thinking. How can a vegan pack on so much weight so quickly. I recently read an article that compared my food with regular food. My normal 1 1/2 cup of granola with soy milk (and toast) has more calories than two eggs and 10 slices of bacon! A cup of nuts has almost as much calories as a hamburger. Being vegan does not mean you don't have to watch calories, however, being vegan or should I say, a monitored vegan is much more healthy in the long run. By May 1st I weighed 330. Insane. Completely unacceptable, but it happened. I let loose and ate how ever I wanted. I even ate meat and cheese a few times... maybe five or six times. I thought I was going to fall off of the vegan diet. Why work so hard and do without the food you love if you're not losing weight. I'm a resolute vegan right now, but I can see a sliver of meat creeping in. I guess I can't promise that I will always be vegan. For now and the foreseeable future, I will remain vegan. I lost about 5 pounds in May and then gained 10 pounds by being a complete ass about diet. Gave in completely. I am trying to curb my appetite and that is the goal for now. Turn the tables back to losing weight.

The week in review: Last Thursday I worked out and got real sore. Good stuff. I worked out on Sunday and mowed the lawn ect. Feeling good. Went to a family BBQ on Memorial Day and played basketball with my 14 year old son, niece, nephew, and younger brother. I kept up and even surpassed their energy, however, I got so sore I couldn't workout on Tuesday. Today I took Bobby to the gym and had a monster workout. He did too. I'm going to mow the lawn tonight so I don't have to do it when it gets hot out this weekend. I've been reading, writing, and painting so everything is actually going fine. If I can regain control over my appetite I will be in good shape.

Friday May 28th, 2010 - Tummy Ache

this is a horrible post. I need to be back to posting everyday, but I have not felt well today and I am going to bed. Beware of BBQ's. Just because your aunt made the cheese and bacon casserole doesn't mean you need to eat it. Want to stay on track for the holiday weekend? Eat vegan. Just watch out for that broccoli. Straight to the hips!

Thursday May 27th, 2010 - Band Wagon

Last week was insane. My younger sister's birthday. Then, my middle son's graduation. And then, the first phase of my mom's birthday party in Littleton and the second phase, an overnight party up in Blackhawk/Central City (Casinos). Top all that off with my in-laws visiting for Jeff's graduation and you come up with an exhausting week.

While I was sick a few weeks ago, I still managed to get back into the gym routine last week and I'm going strong this week. Judging by how sore I got, Tuesday's workout was brutal. Later today I'll be back in the gym. I haven't weighed myself for fear that I may have bounced backwards. With all of the commotion, BBQ's, and beer last week, I surely gained or at least maintained the same weight. I'll get a fair read on it tomorrow. I might be joyfully surprised. I certainly feel great. The muscle build up with this new routine is astounding. If I even go anywhere near the weights I was lifting before, they feel weak. Now I have to watched my calories again. I shouldn't have anymore disruptions.

Today I will go to the gym, but I was thinking about a bike ride as well. I should probably wait until Saturday for the bike ride in case I need a lift from my knight in shining armor, Cheri. Yesterday I painted and I'm caught up on all my chores so today is the perfect day to write.

My fictional character, Nic, has been busy exploring and enjoying the Amalfi Coast in Italy, but he's been having some pretty nasty dreams. I mean that both in a sexual way as well as just creepy scary. At this point in the book some of that nightmare anxiety will begin to intertwine with his conscious mind. Nic is becoming unstable, but just not enough for his oblivious and drunken father to notice. Soon he will tip over the edge. Drama baby; drama.

Oh yeah, let's not forget my latest paintings. You can see them at http://www.paulsharits.com/about_chris.htm Blazing Sun and Vortex are the newest ones. Thankfully, I've gotten through that flower stage and now I'm expressing my concept of truth. This is my favorite art quote out of a Dean Koontz novel nonetheless... "the heart is an artist that paints over what profoundly disturbs it, leaving on the canvas a less dark, less sharp version of the truth."

Sunday May 16th, 2010 - Allergies

I'm not fully convinced my sinus yuck is allergies or a spring cold. I've had a heck of a time keeping my nasal passages open. I've had to Actifed and Afrin just to breath. And, to top it all off, I have to sleep with a CPAP (forced air nose mask for sleep apnea) which means I have to have clear nasal passages. For the last week I've gotten up in the middle of the night because I couldn't breath. It takes me about 30 minutes before I'm good for more sleep.

On top of bad sleep and the vertiginous effects of Actifed, I was physically unable to workout. This week I'll get back to the "intensity" workout. I did manage to finish the bathroom ceiling project. It looks great, but it sure did take some serious work. This coming week I should be able to paint my mom something similar to "Tulipes." While we took her out for a birthday dinner last night, we are still going to have a party leading to a huge surprise party in Central City, Colorado. It's an old mining town that has converted to a gambling casino district. They still mine up there, but not for gold; they mine your pockets, but she loves slot machines so we'll make an overnight party out of it. I don't think she reads my blog so it will still be a surprise. My in-laws should arrive by dinner Monday. My younger sister's birthday is Wednesday and Jeff's graduation and BBQ is Friday, so I'm not going to get much me time.

Maybe I'll just head up to the gym when it gets to hectic down here.