Monday, February 22, 2010

Monday February 22nd, 2010 - House cleaning

Quick recap of the weekend. On Saturday my youngest son Bobby went with me to the gym! We started out of bikes and completed a full set of weights. His arms still hurt a bit. On Sunday I was a little sore from Saturday so I took my wife, Jeff, and Greg to see "Shutter Island." It was a suspense thriller I guess. I wanted to see it because it looked like it dipped into insanity. While it became somewhat predictable, I still found the different levels of psychosis interesting. The main character is on a cyclical pattern of delusions and hallucinations.

Hallucinations are one of my biggest fears. In January 2008, I was still recovering from November 2007 hospital stay and I had lost a lot of weight quickly. I think I had lost 40 pounds in about five weeks. The rapid weight loss and exhaustion caused me to toxify and lose touch with reality. I think it was January 1st or 2nd that I had a horrible hallucination about someone attacking my wife upstairs. I called the police and, of course, everything in the house was fine except for me. I was somewhere balled up crying. Cheri took me to the hospital where I was admitted to the mental ward. I don't remember any of this. Actually, I don't remember any of the first two weeks of January. When I started to come back I was having nightmare like hallucinations that involved a young pale sickly boy who was living in my bed springs. Several times I tried to push my bed out of the room to save him because he wouldn't come out and no one believed me. It became part of my reality for about ten days after I regained consciousness. I wanted to introduce my visitor to my sickly room mate and I freaked everyone out so much that only my parents and Cheri would visit me. During those ten days I also had to work hard to start remembering things like the date, my doctor's name and virtually any phone numbers. It was very scary for me when I realized I had gone insane and I was having a hell of a time recovering. Near the end of January they let me out and I had to go to outpatient sessions. I had to extend it twice because I wasn't feeling well enough to face the world on my own. It took me forever to be able to read a book or the paper again. Soooo, the movie Shutter Island was an existential experience for me. Greg was bored with the movie and Cheri was disappointed that it wasn't scarier. From my perspective, it was scary as hell.

Today, Monday, I set out to thoroughly clean our rooms. That involved dusting everything and moving furniture around and gave me the perfect opportunity to create better living space for the family. Basically, I spent the morning cleaning and re-arranging furniture. It was really quite a workout. I was sore and needed a nap. To conclude the day, I met with my accountant and signed off 6 returns. All of us are getting money back. Tomorrow morning is my meeting with my doctor. I hope we can increase some of my meds to me feel more stable and help me fall asleep. I was re-researching all of my meds and remembered that several of them create weight gain. Yet, another handicap to overcome in this struggle to lose weight. I think feeling stable will help me feel confident enough to hit the calories hard.

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