Sunday, February 14, 2010

Sunday February 14th, 2010 - Valentines Day

Yesterday, I began the day with an exhaustive workout. I lost track of time, but Cheri says I was gone for more than two hours. Sounds about right. I also did some shopping with Cheri and it about drove both of us crazy. She was annoyed with me because I wanted to stick to the shopping list and get out. I tend to "samurai" shop. I make it a quest to find the fastest way possible through a grocery store. I don't even try to sit in line. I go straight to the self checkout and do the hustle. I even know how to weigh my own fruit and vegetables. Cheri, on the other hand, likes to go through each isle to make sure she's not missing anything. That drove me crazy. I wanted to spend time with her, but grocery shopping was a mistake. She normally goes with her aunt and they are gone forever, but I usually don't care. Actually, I don't care. I'm a bad bad man. I will, however, endure shopping for clothes with her. Oh wait. The last time we went to Macy's I wrote via mobile to facebook that "I'm shopping at Macy's. Please kill me." Later that night, Cheri saw that post and I lost all of my "good" husband points for the day. In the evening, I sat and watched a few minutes of the Olympics and then sat and wrote on my book until bedtime.

I have been feeling rather "fragile" emotionally. I know it's my bipolar disorder, but it doesn't help control panic attacks. Maybe the knowledge helps me from freaking out during the attack because I know it will end. Sometimes in as little as a few minutes, but it can sometimes last for hours. When I have a serious episode, I tend to have smaller attacks later. Kind of like aftershocks from an earthquake. On Friday night, at the sushi restaurant, I had a 20 minute attack. I sat through it and tried to calmly drink my beer and eat my salad. My chest was tight, my mind was racing, and my hands were shaking. Cheri was talking me through it as well.

A few weeks ago I had a major episode. We kind of chalked it up to the steroids I was on, but it probably would have happened anyway. I'm lucky it didn't escalate. During the episode I got in my car and just started driving north. I wasn't a crying fool or a danger to other drivers, but I was extremely disoriented and confused. Cheri also talked me through the episode via cell phone. Episodes small and large scare me. So last night I tried to sleep without my Lorazepam so I could take them during the day. They help with insomnia and panic attacks. It didn't work. I couldn't sleep. I will have to go see my doctor to expand my Lorazepam prescription to include some daytime doses. I hope that I get some relief because I'm finding myself cycling from grandiose to self loathing several times a day. Well, it's not really that extreme, but my mood has been changing more than usual.

On Valentines Day I ran out and bought my aunt some flowers and I bought Cheri some new windshield wipers. Seriously; that's what I did. Remember, I painted a couple watching a sunset on Wednesday and got caught framing it and, thus, I gave it to her then. She loved the wipers... and the painting. After that I went for a one and a half hour workout. I hit it pretty good. I'm a little sore right now. I may play basketball tomorrow morning, but no weights. Later in the afternoon I took Cheri to the book store and bought some new books. She went home and worked on a virtual dental devise and I took a surprise and rare nap. I'm looking forward to the rest of Valentines Day. Yahoo!

No comments:

Post a Comment